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Today was a difficult day. It took all day for me to remember who I was and how much love surrounds me. This puzzles me a great deal; how can I be thrown off so easily by a nasty email? An email that is only letters on a page....not a reflection of WHO I am or HOW I choose to live my life. Letters on a page, pieced together into words that cut like a knife through my heart. Had this not been addressed to me, it would have been easier to see how much pain this person is in to reach out to hurt me like this. Had it not been addressed to me, I could have been compassionate and loving and tender... Instead, I spent the bulk of my day thinking about this person and the letters and words she sent me.....why, I now wonder did I give those letters so much power over me?
Tonight, my Taylor, sent me an email about someone who chooses to live their life in a good mood....seeing the positive side of things....living their life with purpose and joy. This is who I think I am most of the time. I'm thankful to Taylor for reminding me to see the joy. To see the love. To see that these were only letters on a page...nothing that can hurt me or my family. What a miracle to end my day with this thought in mind. I do choose to live in joy, to live in love, to be happy and to have fun.
Thank you Taylor.....
It's a rainy day miracle. Precious time at home with all the kids....definitely a miracle. Meagan was able to get into another class....a happy teenage miracle! Abigail notices the subtle shift in light as the rain fades away, the sun begins to show itself, just in time to set for the night...."Oh Mom, look at the light in the yard...it's beautiful!".....definitely a miracle. Having your ten your old stop and notice something so subtle and beautiful and small.
The sun has set, the air is fresh, my chicks are safe and happy....it's definitely a miracle and life is amazing good!!
Monday, February 1st....
I'm grateful and happy today. The whole world seems bright and fresh and clean. I had the most amazing ah-ha moment this morning, when I was reading and working on my intentions. It came to me that I am happy. Not just the everyday variety of happy, but truly, honestly, ecstatically happy! I feel like singing and telling everyone, maybe even writing it in the sky. This happiness has always been there, even when it couldn't see it.
I have an amazing husband of 21 years who is also my best friend. He's handsome, blonde with blue eyes, tall enough for me, flirty, fun and great with the kids! He just happens to adore me....which is wonderful! Even more wonderful is that he adores me no matter what....before kids at a very skinny size, after kids, with a not as skinny size, when I wake up, when I'm "made up", when I try on a sweet hat and when I try on a sassy hat. He just adores me. THIS is real love. I tell our kids this all the time: look for someone that loves you and likes you, no matter what. Look for someone whose happiness isn't dependent on what you look like, think like, act like. Someone that knows, even when it's not showing, that you're the absolutely best person in the world.
I also have for wonderfully fantastic children whom I adore! They bring me happiness by just being. Just being them. They are soft, caring, thoughtful, tender, kind. They are still little and learning, just like the rest of us, so they are also grumpy, challenging and trying.
I also have me. I never really gave myself credit before for much of anything. Recently I watched a movie, You Can Heal Your Life, by Louise Hays with my dearest friend Suzanne. In this movie, they talk about the "self talk" we all have going on in our heads all the time. They also talk about loving yourself, liking yourself, forgiving yourself, enjoying yourself, giving yourself the love you would give a lover. So, I've been telling myself that I'm beautiful. That I'm kind. Thoughtful. Loving. Loveable. Compassionate. Tender. Sexy. Slim. That I love myself. I forgive myself. Oh, the last two are especially hard....though I'm working on it each day.
I think all this gratitude and self care has paid off in massive amounts of happiness. It really is all good and life is really amazing and miracles are everywhere. Today, I am grateful and happy.....really, really happy!!
Monday morning. It's a beautiful day and we're heading out to the local community college to drop a class. Sometimes, getting what you want doesn't work out quite like you planned. These are things learned by my teen as she navigates her life. She has a very dear friend staying with us for a month and she realized that to do her best in this class meant that the other parts of her life would be on hold or at least given little attention. This doesn't work for friends, not for long anyway, and especially not when they come from a few states away to spend time with you. So, a lesson learned about compassion and generosity and giving and taking. It's all good. She'll take the class next semester. For now, she and her friend will learn and grow through exploring other interests. Who knows, maybe this will open new doors for both of them.
